I feel like no matter what I do, I am never satisfied. I am constantly taunted by things that could be and various dreams that I’m chasing. It could be the night talking (I get very chatty and inspired at night)but I’ve just been thinking a lot again and I can’t seem to write fast enough, or legibly for that matter.
I’m just sitting and pondering on the mistakes of my past semesters and all the god damn time I waste dilly dallying in other stuff that doesn’t pertain to anything that I’m doing now. I guess it’s not wasted time really…my dreams sort of changed. But was doing what I did really what I wanted to do? I don’t know. I don’t think so. But that’s a tricky subject: if you convince yourself you want something, can you really consider it to be your dream? “It’s all in the mind, you know.”
As for my outfit, well, I was just thinking about how uninspired I’ve been lately and maybe that’s my fault. I sort of threw this on after many tries, again frustrated that I had no idea what I was going for. It all ends up being too safe. I keep waiting for it to just come to me, but I realized that it doesn’t work that way if I don’t feed my imagination what it needs. In high school, I thrived on Teen Vogue and Fruits. Maybe others would lend a hand but…those two are the ones that come to mind first. Inspiration is vital. I need it. I can’t go on without it. I’ve been starving all this time, creatively anorexic in a way.
Whoa…melodramatic much Deanne? Anyway, seriously though, I’m just having a hard time getting my style berrings straight. I don’t know what I’m becoming, what my style is turning into, where it’s going but I don’t feel like it’s enough.